Humor
160 stories
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007 »
Boot-scooting in the right direction, leaving New York, wondering about the yardman, and trying out the cowgirl look when you’re no longer 25.
May 2012 by David Courtney
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007 »
How to respond to those weird bumper testicles, pledge allegiance to the flag, ask to see the top of someone’s boots, and decide between sweet and dill.
April 2012 by David Courtney
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007 »
Disciplining a wayward niece, care packages for Texas soldiers, revisiting South Padre, and the truth about raccoon penis bones.
March 2012 by David Courtney
The 2012 Bum Steer Awards on Steroids »
Sometimes you just have to see it (and hear it) to believe it.
January 2012
The 2012 Bum Steer Awards »
It was a year of avaricious Astros fans, brainless bank robbers, competence-free comptrollers, discourteous doctors, enraged exes, frisky Frisco-ites, greedy gram-toting grandmothers, hotheaded hand surgeons, ill-informed idiots, jammed-full Jaguars, knife-krazy Kimbroughs, lambasted Lufkinites, mean-spirited magazine articles, nervy narcotics users, obtuse O’Neals, profane pilots, quazy Quaids, romantically rejected receivers, surveilling Scientologists, tumescent team mascots, unprivate urinators, value-subtracted vouchers, wind-challenged windows, x-foliated x-hibitionists, yobbish YouTubers, and zealous Zanes.
January 2012
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007 »
Watching the Super Bowl on the sly, meeting the Hill Country neighbors, sharing a bed with man and dog, and smoking grapevine.
January 2012 by David Courtney
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007 »
Taxidermy and relationships, school colors abroad, and the proper terminology for a small piece of property.
September 2011
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007 »
Expensive quinceañeras, dangerous toys, lawn-watering etiquette, and seasonal restrictions on chili consumption.
August 2011
My E-piphany »
If Tahitian sailors could find Hawaii using only their testicles, I ought to be able to survive the modern world without a computer. But, hell, it looks like I can't.
April 2011 by Kinky Friedman
Offering fine advice since 2007 »
Nicknames, parental discretion, summer camp, and the best way to talk about breast enlargement.
April 2011 by David Courtney
Offering fine advice since 2007 »
Oyster aphrodisiacs, hat manners, drill team attire, and why a man needs a weekender.
February 2011 by David Courtney
The Texanist: Audio
Our advice columnist speaks.
February 2011
The 2011 Bum Steer Awards »
It was a year of appalling analogies, bare-naked Badu, collapsing Cowboys, dim-witted Daughters of the Republic of Texas, egregious Ethics Commission, felonious fishermen (not to mention frisky firefighters), G-rated (not) guards, hilarious headlines, imperial incumbents, jackass judges (as always!), klutzy kat rescuers, legendarily lame and losing Longhorns, mind-boggling menus, noncompliant Nugent, outré overtimers, pajama-clad politicians, queso quarrels, rude representatives, scuffling strippers, toilet paper–free Texas A&M, unacceptable uniformed urination, vent-escaping vipers, woefully wrongheaded wide receivers, X-asperated Xanax-heads, yuk-yuk yeggs, and zealous Z-cups.
January 2011
Offering Fine Advice Since 2007 »
School colors, wedding music, spare-ticket reimbursement, and why not to plant a mesquite for dear old granddad.
January 2011 by David Courtney
Offering fine advice since 2007 »
Aisle-scooting etiquette, slaughtering a turkey, skunk remedies, and the proper way to approach a group of ladies at a dance hall.
December 2010 by David Courtney
Offering fine advice since 2007 »
Wayward dog droppings, “barbecue” versus “grill,” flag displays, and the best way to get a husband to slim down.
September 2010 by David Courtney
Gov Hunt »
As the only man ever to run against both Bill White and Rick Perry, I have a few thoughts on how either one of these fine, upstanding, admirable men could beat the tar out of the other.
August 2010 by Kinky Friedman
Short Cuts: Episode VI
The governor’s race in under three minutes, featuring profiteering, shady land deals, stormtroopers, treehuggers, and the president.
August 2010
Offering fine advice since 2007 »
Rude diners, fraudulent Texans, anniversary presents, and the problem with mail-order steaks.
July 2010 by David Courtney
The Texanist »
A fond look back at Temple, a.k.a. Ratsville and/or Tanglefoot, that fair burg wherein your dedicated advice columnist learned the location of the thin line between right and wrong.
June 2010 by David Courtney
The Texanist »
Ranch dreams; misbegotten handicapped parking placards; nonsensical-sounding Texas sayings; and what to do about a squirrel-hating, BB gun–toting elderly neighbor with a happy trigger finger.
April 2010 by David Courtney
The Texanist »
The trouble with black beans, an unnatural attachment to Texas license plates, the perils of striking up a conversation in the restroom, and the discomfort of two men riding together on the same Harley.
March 2010 by David Courtney
The Texanist »
Vegetarian offspring, a barroom dispute, maintaining the “Texas identity,” and whether anything can be done to cure a marriage-threatening case of snoring.
February 2010 by David Courtney
My Library
